Note to the Reader
1 – A Brief Timeline
2 – Losing Access
3 – For Physicians and Other Clinical Providers
4 – Drugs
5 – I Can Do Anything
6 – Internal Chaos
7 – Psychoanalysis
8 – Depression as a Group Membership
9 – Memories
10 – Protecting Precious Children
11 – Not Worthy as a Human Being
12 – Edge of Paradox
13 – Normal
14 – Not Enough
15 – No Place In This World
16 – “It’s Not Your Fault”
17 – Sticky Note Wall
18 – Aloneness and its Evolution in My Photography
19 – Closeness…at Arm’s Length
20 – Paradox of Freedom
21 – Head Fog
22 – Running Away
23 – Sleep
24 – Of Men and Rebellion
25 – Sex
26 – Through Lines and Lens
27 – Chasing Demons
28 – Not Me
29 – Where is God?
30 – Controlling vs. Control
31 – Exposure
32 – Extreme, Male-Dominated Activities
33 – Relationship with Food
34 – Writing This
35 – Invisible
36 – Family Dynamics
37 – “Disturbed” Distortion
38 – Physical Torture and Pain Would be Infinitely More Tolerable
39 – Ethics and Responsibility
40 – Suicide
41 – It All Comes Together: Controlling Authoritarian Christian Parenting
42 – Impact of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder Mother
43 – Norming Normal
44 – Unreconciled
45 – At the Crux
Epilogue
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Sierra Phoenix 